Scouting Sorrows

This means you dads

Growing up, I was never exposed to scouting. Therefore, when Sam came home three years ago with a Cub Scout brochure, I quickly threw it away and the matter was closed. Well, more like wide freakin not closed. He kept pestering me about it and I had to finally admit that I had some uninformed biases about Boy Scouts of America. Somewhere my hippie mother must have instilled in me that it was similar to the Hitler Youth and I sort of still had that bouncing around.

Eventually Sam wore me down and we all gathered in the school cafeteria for the first meeting. The re-incarnated General George Patton was there from national headquarters to bark at all the new recruits about how if you joined scouting you would be a famous rockstar-senator-stud but if not, "Hello heroine addiction."

So we gathered in tables according to grades I began to assess the competition for most awesome scouting dad. But before I could get a real read, Patton swung by the table and announced that we had enough new "men" to create another den. New den apparently meant new den leader. "I can tell by looking at you Dads that there are many among you who love your country and hate commies enough to sign up for the most important assignment of your lives!" (possible historical inaccuracies here).  I guess I love communism as I was looking for fast exit. And that's when my angel of scouting appeared. Asher, a heavy loud kid with a dirty face bounded up. "Hey can Sam join my Dad's den? Please please PLEEEEEEASE??" I could have kissed him (very frowned upon in BSA).

So we've been in scouting for three years now and Sam loves his den. His den leader is a hairdresser with a scissors tattoo and not at all what I ever expected. He's not a scout for the Navy Seals and is very welcoming of the little sisters. Scouting however, takes a competent amount of organization and that's where I really shine (as in Sam doesn't have a chance). What's brutal about scouting is how every badge, belt loop or pin is basically a tiny advertisement for how much time your Dad has spent with you on scouting. Sam's shirt pretty much looks like a dingy version of what's in the store.

Tonight's den meeting re-cap.
2 hours until scouts:
I tell Sam that I have his full uniform laid out on his bed for him. He asks how come we have like 9 patches that we still haven't sewn on. I pretend that I don't hear him and wallow in shame.
30 min until scouts:
Sam shows up at the pool where I coach, not in uniform but carrying a bag stuffed with a wad of uniform.

Fratboy/Boy Scout

27 min until scouts:
We all get in the Hummer (minivan) and take off to scouts.
24 min until scouts:
Sam announces that he walked to the pool barefoot and therefore has no shoes. I ask Abby to punch him as we turn around.
17 min until scouts:
We get back to the house, pick up the shoes and take off for the second time to scouts. I tell Sam that he has to get dressed in the back of the car while wearing a seat belt and he tells me that I am the worst father ever.
4 min until scouts:
Sam leaps out of the car looking like he rode under the care. He informs me that there is "NO WAY" that he can go to scouts since he has managed to lose all of the accessories somewhere in the car. He also admits that he left his book at home. I take his picture which he loves.
5 minutes into scouting:
Abby is set up at the "sister table" doing homework when she complains that she is starving "to death". As we don't have any food, she has to finish her homework in her famished state. She informs me that this is completely unacceptable with the subtlety of a pissed off 6 year-old.

Sister table

24 minutes into scouting:
Abby produces her protest homework assignment which is technically done to perfection but still something that I'm sure to get a phone call about (see picture).
45 minutes into scouting:

Sticking it to the Man

Molly, a 4 year-old sibling starts rattling off her spelling words that she does at home voluntarily. "My, M-Y, Dad, D-A-D is Amazing, A-M-A-Z-I-N-G." or something like that. It was hard to pay attention because she was also doing some way-to-advanced gymnastics move while talking.
52 minutes into scouting:
Sam, who was sitting on the back of a chair, falls completely backwards. Some how the Scout Master doesn't see it so Sam attempts to distance himself from the scene. Sadly for Sam, his foot is trapped in the back of the chair bear trap style so his sprint turns into a tethered launch as he crashes back to the floor.

Pictured on the left: Book from Super Dad
Pictured on the right: Sam's book

Conclusion of meeting:
One of the Super Dads gives a short lecture to the rest of us on his technique of using sticky tabs in his son's book to better keep track of badge progress. I mentally kick him in the nuts.

And that's pretty much how it goes every week. Up next? Pinewood derby. Sam's official record over the last two seasons is 0-4 so I'm really looking forward to stacking myself up against the dad's again in this format.

But the end result is that Sam loves scouting. The Super Dads are also super at being friendly so I love hanging out with them. Even Abby loves the sister group so Team DeMotte is in it for the long haul.