Threats and Punishments

I am the lucky father of three devious kids. Taken in sum, their behavior is probably normal but it's their distribution that drives me nuts. If you assume that the average kid is great 80% of the time and a demon the other 20% (you can already tell how scientific this post is about to become), then it would stand to follow that as a parent, you can enjoy roughly that mix. 

Are these crusts on my mid-afternoon snack?

False.

From what I can tell, teachers, coaches, boy scout and youth group leaders are hogging most of that 80% time leaving me to deal with the prison gang behavior.

So in my rookie years, I was determined to fight the dragon with well, a bigger dragon. Dealing with one toddler, you can get an exaggerated sense of accomplishment. 

What I believed the message was: 

"Wet the bed did you? Well I am going to ROCK your world little man. You've got no idea what you've just stepped in."

What he was comprehending; "Dad is loud. I can't talk yet."

But as my kids have aged and multiplied, the landscape has changed. A while back, my four year old daughter was getting dressed at  glacier-like speed, (seriously at the same speed a glacier would get dressed) so I put the hammer down. 

"Macey, you've got 30 seconds to get those tights on or YOU WILL NOT GET BREAKFAST!"

Not even a flicker of panic crossed her face.
"Dad, I kind of like that tough voice you're trying."

Needless to say my discipline is evolving. But through the endless strikeouts, I have stumbled across a home run that began with a Miami Herald article. Retired Air Force Col. Ed Hubbard says of his time being held prisoner in Cuba, "The anticipation of beatings became worse than the beatings themselves." 

Aha! I'm not great at the beatings part so let's try this. Armed with my new strategy, I waited for one of my brood to really screw up. It didn't take long and I had the following exchange:

Me-"I see that you managed to spill your bookbag all over the front hallway."

Her-"Yep."

Me-"Any plans on cleaning it up?"

Her-"Nope."
Me-"I just want you to know that your decision will have a consequence."

Her-"What will it be?"

Me-"Let's just concentrate on whether you understand that leaving it there will have a consequence."

I held my breath a waited. To my amazement, an expression of doubt and then a flurry of cleaning! 

I have refined my technique somewhat but it's effective on all three kids. And the biggest scam of it all is that I have absolutely no punishment in mind. 

Perhaps this will all come crashing down eventually but the, "Are you happy with this decision" line is still the best dragon slayer of all.