What makes a real man?

My son Sam turned 10 yesterday and has decided it's time for him to shave. For the record, I did the same thing at 13. I was a daily shaver for about three days and then quit until I actually had stubble at 18. I told Sam that same story and all he heard was "13." He has therefore set that as the benchmark and is determined to kick my ass in this. When I refused to let him butcher his face before school, he roared (in his mind but chirped in reality), "I'm practically a man!" His squeaky rant quickly faded and he asked how I would know when he was "man enough" to shave.
"Um, how about when you have hair on your face?" Such a suggestion earned me an eyeball roll of disgust. "Dad, how about we make a deal?" Now, normally negotiating things with your children is a bad idea. But in my case it's amazing entertainment...and still a terrible idea. None the less, together we decided that he could earn the right to uselessly drag a razor over his marshmallow of a face. The deal is that I would give him a list of 10 things that shave-worthy men can do.

Being the manliest of men myself (meaning that I shave), it was pretty easy to create my list. So easy in fact that the real challenge was in capping it at 10. For starters, all the big life lessons about honesty, treatment of others and manners? Out. These he has to accomplish even if he never touches a razor. So I have started with 8 tasks and am reserving the last two spots for suggestions. If you believe that you got something worthy, please send it along. Per our agreement, I have 48 hours to complete my list.

Objectives:

Weird how few women are here

• Make it hard enough that he won't be shaving any time soon.
• Give him skills that will impress the ladies (or at least amuse me).

Task #1- Be proficient in the "Look at me pull off my thumb illusion."

First up is a Man Skill that is at least a hundred years old but probably more. It's moderately cool when you are younger but a critical skill when you become a grandfather. 

Task #2- Be mildly successful at walking on your hands.

Every man has to have a few athletic abilities that demonstrate that X-Box wasn't their entire childhood. Running and throwing a baseball are pretty standard so it has to be something that is both rare, and not too hard to actually accomplish.  This doesn't have to be pretty, legs can be bent, but a minimum of 10 steps needs to be accomplished.

Task #3- Make a big splash 

This is a crucial but fading skill that every man needs to have. With the increase in liability issues, there is a dramatic decrease in public diving boards. However, that will only make a boy who can do the Watermellon or a Can-opener all that more manly. The beauty of this is that all body types can accomplish these aquatic displays of manhood but the beefier boys finally have a reason to get into a bathing suit.

Task #4- 15 seconds of 3 ball juggling

Three balls is the critical mass in juggling. Anything less is really not even worth considering and anything more means that you never come out of your basement. 15 seconds is enough to prove that you have some sort of eye-hand coordination but not so much that you can't accomplish this in under half an hour of practice.

Task #5- Riding a wheelie for 20 yards

Any boy can ride a bike, any tweener can lift the front wheel momentarily, but it takes a man two rock that bad boy back and risk a skull fracture just to woo the ladies. 

Task #6- Shuffling cards well

A man will undoubtedly play poker at some point. Winning is manly but so is losing. However, pulling out that weak lay-the-cards-flat-and-sort-of-push-them-together shuffle is pathetic. This particular craft has limitless variations that are all pretty manly so Sam will have to pick one and own it.

Like a Boss!

Task #7- A loud whistle

A very important skill for a man to have. Once again, there are so many possibilities with any combination of the 10 fingers. As a note- the blade of grass between the thumbs noise is an acceptable supplement but is completely unacceptable as the primary whistle.

Task #8- Spin a basketball on any finger and successfully use the other hand to speed it up

As discussed before, athletic accomplishment is a shortcut to manhood but not always possible. If you are a little dude, basketball will undoubtedly suck. However, spinning a basketball is not only cool, but will give off the illusion that you can scrape with the big boys. 

And here my list ends. I have only two spots left and a million candidates but the choice must be made carefully. After all, the fate of Sam's non-existent facial hair rests in the balance!